I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
