My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
