see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize