shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
