Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
