its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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