Slut skills are useful in every country.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
