I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
