I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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