Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize