I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
