nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize