did you get engaged???
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
