His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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