How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
