I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
