Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
