Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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