Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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