I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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