Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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