I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize