woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
