She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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