You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
