you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
