so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
