It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize