haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize