Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The best revenge is premature balding
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize