I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
