smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
