you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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