Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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