I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
