dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
