The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he fucked my hip out of place.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
