i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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