i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
