We're like a lot better than the average bears
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
