You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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