I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You can't special order awesome
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
