Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
