this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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