I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
