Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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