She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
