why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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