I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
