If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
