Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
