This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
