She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
