How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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