I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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