I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
