she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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