I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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