Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
