there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
