No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
