with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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