I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
