eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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