I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
