I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
