i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i think i have herpe
just one?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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