my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
