Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
