your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
