Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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