so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
