is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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